Everyone wants that genuine connection—where you can express how you feel to someone without feeling ashamed. If you compare relationships to 25 years ago, there would be a large difference, and sadly, it isn’t a good one. Relationships in the 21st century have changed, and not for the better. Everything is surrounded by social media, vanity, and selfishness. Teens yearn for the feeling of love and acceptance that they aren’t able to find.

Finding a genuine relationship is hard when it feels like everyone has forgotten the true meaning of one. Teenagers are always looking for the wrong thing—not all, but a great majority. Andrea Marin, a student at Osbourn High School, said, “People want something fun in their lives, and that’s why they look for relationships. It’s immature.” When you look for a relationship, what are you looking for in a person? Do you want something as a distraction? Why use another person’s emotions as one? How would you feel if you were in that situation yourself? We won’t be able to fix these problems if nobody is willing to take accountability for mistakes made.

“I think that it relates to being nonchalant. I don’t think it’s healthy to care for someone and not show it. We need to shift away from that because it undermines trust,” said Theo Wehner.

“I have personally experienced, when rejecting someone—man or woman—people calling each other out of their names or stalking them when their crush clearly doesn’t feel the same about them. It’s a never-ending cycle that is hurting every person involved,” said Neptune Reyes.

When a teenager enters a relationship, or when they are in the “talking stage,” they often try to act “nonchalant.” Being nonchalant in a relationship is hiding your feelings to appear cool, calm, and collected. What some teens don’t realize—or choose not to realize—is that being vulnerable in a relationship is a key factor in maintaining a healthy one. But how can they do that when social media influencers keep telling them otherwise? “I think the current state of vulnerability is a weakness. It shouldn’t be, because it’s an admission of care,” said Theo Wehner. Vulnerability isn’t something to run from—but something to run toward. You cannot have an intimate relationship with someone if you don’t know how they feel all the time. “Relationships will become unstable and unmanageable because there is no real way for people to be in an intimate relationship if they’re not able to fully immerse themselves with the other person,” said Neptune Reyes.

Teenagers avoid being vulnerable because they are afraid of being hurt or judged. The world is selfish and cruel, and all they want to do is protect themselves. Let me tell you this: you won’t experience self-growth if you avoid putting yourself out into the world completely. “Judgment is a big factor in determining a person’s actions toward someone. It can lead to emotional detachment and broken relationships,” said Adryana Belousova. “For men, it sometimes makes them seem like a ‘loverboy.’ It isn’t a bad thing, but with the way people perceive it, it can make them feel ashamed.”

Something that is really affecting the mental health of teenagers is social media. Teenagers spend the majority of their day watching TikTok or Instagram Reels. Sometimes it’s a way of escaping reality—a distraction from issues in everyday life or from the stress of school—but the amount of time being spent on it is increasingly unhealthy. No one is able to connect as well as they used to.

A connection with someone involves communication, but you can’t properly communicate how you feel to someone over text, can you? “No. Teens mostly communicate online,” Neptune Reyes said. “This leads to people not being able to communicate properly because talking to someone online is way easier than it is in person. There are many toxic content influencers who tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel.” Teens listen to what these influencers say and turn that opinion into their own toxic belief. Since everyone is doing it, nobody is there to tell them otherwise.

A few students were asked, “What relationship skills do you think teens are missing the most today?”

Andrea Marin replied, “Communication, accountability, and understanding.”

Similarly, Adryana Belousova said, “Communication and honesty.”

There is no possible way to have a healthy relationship with someone if you are only willing to communicate your feelings over text. Being able to express your emotions one-on-one will allow you to be more open-minded to the obstacles you face in any relationship. “Social media has created a sense of obligation on how you’re supposed to feel. Every person is unique in how they feel; each action is based on their personality,” said Theo Wehner.

When you don’t communicate your feelings to your partner—or literally anyone—assumptions are made. Have you ever been in a situation where your partner is mad at you, and you have no clue why? When you’re mad at someone, do you automatically begin to ignore them, or do you take the time to listen to what the other person has to say?

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place,” a quote from George Bernard Shaw, highlights that when communicating with someone, there is this “illusion” that your feelings are being heard. But in reality, true understanding depends on the receiver’s interpretation. The interpretation could be affected by a lack of understanding, active listening, or unclear nonverbal cues—such as when you think someone is glaring at you, or when you’ve been left on delivered for hours. How do you know they’re actively ignoring you? Have you asked?

“Social media created some expectation that your partner should know how you feel,” said Adryana Belousova. Have you ever heard the popular quote “If they wanted to, they would” on social media? Not only is this type of thinking flawed, but how is your partner supposed to know what your expectations are if you don’t tell them?

“Teenage years are the most selfish years of your life. Most people assume that the world revolves around them, but being able to see the perspective of someone else could provide you a chance for self-growth,” said Neptune Reyes.

Teen relationships are not failing because people care too much, but because they often assume instead of communicating. Social media has normalized the idea that others should automatically understand our feelings, yet a real connection requires effort, honesty, and active listening. Vulnerability, communication, and empathy are not weaknesses—they are skills that must be learned. Until teenagers are willing to express their expectations clearly and consider perspectives beyond their own, relationships will continue to suffer. Genuine connection begins when teens choose understanding over assumptions and courage over emotional distance.