Most girls have been there, you’re just trying to get through the day, and a boy makes a “joke” or comment that just feels totally off. Even if they say they’re “just kidding,” it’s hard not to feel uncomfortable or pressured to laugh along just so you don’t seem “dramatic”. We need to look at why this happens, whether guys are just doing it for a laugh from their friends or because they saw it on social media, and why it’s making school not fun for everyone.

Many people wonder where boys learn to talk about girls in disrespectful ways, asking, “Is it from social media, older siblings, or just seeing it happen in the hallways?” According to Adriana, “Bad influences like their friends, or could be from the men in their households.” Sophia explains that “Boys learn to talk badly about girls mostly from social media because they see a lot of content that shows boys or men speaking badly about women.” She thinks the internet is the biggest factor. When boys see these videos getting a lot of likes and attention, they start to think it’s normal and begin doing it themselves.

It’s really common to hear boys making comments about girls’ appearances that feel “off” or inappropriate. Giselle said “I’ve overheard many boys speak about a girl’s appearance in inappropriate ways. They talk about how their body looks and whether or not it’s “good.” Saying things about if she’s “thick” or “flat”. Even though these comments can be gross, some girls feel like they have to go along with it and can be pressured to laugh, just to avoid being called “dramatic” or “sensitive”  Adriana says “I don’t ever feel pressured because I don’t care how I’m perceived towards boys I don’t know or care about.”

Most of these girls agree that when a boy makes a comment about a girl, he isn’t actually focused on her; he is performing for his friends. Ngoc Lee says, “I think when a boy makes a comment on a girl, he’s doing it to impress his friends, in a performative way.” Deborah Sambrano said, “When a boy makes comments about girls, he either wants attention from his friends or is trying to be cool in some sort of way, thinking it’s funny what he’s doing.”

Katie Ho said, “Based on experiences and what I’ve seen around me, I think that a lot of comments that boys make are for validation from other boys or their friends.” And Sophia said, “ I think they use it as a way to get attention from other guys so they feel funny, but also some boys like to see a girl get insecure because it makes them feel like they have some sort of power over girls.”

In school, peer pressure often turns social interactions into a performance where boys care more about their status over others’ feelings. Deborah Sambrano said, “Some boys are always trying to goof around, even when they don’t realize they can actually hurt someone’s feelings.” Katie Ho said, “In most cases, I believe that a lot of the negative things that guys say about girls are trying to make them uncomfortable, and they find that funny in a way.” And Sophia Alas Morataya said, “I think half the time they have no idea what they are actually doing and say things without thinking, but other times they know exactly what they are saying, because they just want a reaction from girls.”

Have you ever experienced or heard boys making disrespectful comments to or about girls? What can we do to address this issue? Tell us your thoughts in the comments.